Wish Wolseley knew 'ow much it's pleased us.
I'd like to arsk _one_ little thing:
I wonder who it is who's squeezed us?
The whole Report's a thing to cheer;
Makes us feel proud and pleased, oh! very!
And won't the bloomin' furrineer
Over our horacles make merry?

Costs seventeen millions and a arf,
And carn't go nowhere, nor do nothink!
That tots it up! They wouldn't charf,
Eh, BILL, these Big Wigs! What do _you_ think?
Therefore, we're just a useless lot.
After pipe-claying and stiff-starching,
We _might_ be good for stopping shot,
Only that we're not fit for marching!

We cannot carry our own kits!
I say, Bill, _ain't_ we awful duffers?
Not furrin foes, or Frenchy wits,
Could more completely give us snuffers.
CAMBRIDGE, CONNAUGHT, Sir EVELYN WOOD,
All of a mind, for once, about us!
What wonder Bungs dub us no good,
And lackeys, snobs, and street-boys flout us?

I see myself as others see;
A weedy, narrer-chested stripling,
Can't fight, can't march, can't 'ardly see!
And yet young Mister RUDYARD KIPLING
Don't picture hus as kiddies slack,
Wot can't go out without our nurses,
But ups and pats us on the back
In very pooty potry-verses.[1]

We're much obliged to 'im, I'm sure,
(Though potry ain't my fav'rit reading,)
He's civil, kind and not cock-sure;
Good sense goes sometimes with good-breeding.
So Tommy's best respects to _'im_,
At Aldershot we'd like to treat 'im.
Though if he bobs in Evelyn's swim,
He _might_ not know us _when_ we meet 'im!

But, Bill, if all this barney's _true_
Consarnin' "Our Poor Little Army,"
It must be nuts to Pollyvoo!
_He_ needn't feel a mite alarmy.
_Whose_ fault is it we cost a lot,
And, if war comes, _must_ fail, or fly it?
Well facts is facts, and bounce is rot;
But, blarm it, BILL,--_I'd like to try it!_

[Footnote 1: Mr. Kipling dedicates his "Barrack-Room Ballads"
to "TOMMY ATKINS"

Various, or Various Production, is an English dubstep/electronic music duo formed in 2003. The group blends samples, acoustic and electronic instrumentation, and singing from a revolving cast of vocalists. Its members, Adam and Ian, purposefully give very little information about the group or themselves, and tend to do little in the way of self-promotion.[1] Nevertheless, the group began winning critical acclaim with its single releases in 2005 and 2006.[2] Their full-length for XL, The World is Gone, arrived in July of 2006.[3][4][5][6][7] They have released a large number of vinyl EPs and 7 records, as well as digital exclusives for Rough Trade, iTunes, and Boomkat.[8]

Eugene Manlove Rhodes (January 19, 1869 June 27, 1934) was a writer who was nicknamed the cowboy chronicler. Rhodes was born in Tecumseh, Nebraska. He moved to New Mexico with his parents in 1881 and fell in love with the state. By age sixteen, he was an accomplished stone mason and road builder. He helped build the road from Engle, New Mexico, to Tularosa, New Mexico.

Alice B. Emerson is a pseudonym used by the Stratemeyer Syndicate for the Betty Gordon and Ruth Fielding series of childrens novels. Actual writers taking up the pen of Alice B. Emerson are unknown.